Had a bit of an epiphany today…what has felt like a feeling of being a bit unsettled comes down to friendship, or lack there of. I’ve realized that this is why I take the time to do the blog everyday. It’s the conversations I’d be having with my buddies. Via text, on the phone or if I was really lucky, face to face. The conversations that often kept my cup filled up.
I do believe it is a bit too heavy of a burden to expect your immediate family to fill the role of all relationships in your life. It stretches the bounds of that relationship too much. Be it coworker, coach, teacher or friend, our outside relationships add so much richness to our lives.
So it is that capacity we are missing here. We are each other’s everything and while, for now, it is working, it isn’t sustainable. And I’m missing the richness my friends add to my life. I drew from their strength, their humor, ther wisdom and advice, their brutal honesty and love on a daily basis. We’ve been so focused on the kids finding friends (which we haven’t yet succeeded in doing) but I hadn’t put much thought into my own need for friends. Women can forge fast friendships but in the case of new cultures and languages I don’t think the same will be true.
Watching D & H become friends on this trip has been amazing. They still turn on each other fiercely as only siblings can but they seem to realize that they are all they’ve got in this lonely world. I sure hope this closeness will last and that it will be the foundation of a solid friendship for life.
Even when I said “hey, I know what we can do this afternoon, let’s go climb the big staircase!” they hopped on their bikes and took on the adventure with happiness. (Only 397 stairs. Nothing compared to our Lugano days!) T’was a nice change from the crotchetiness that we experienced on our poorly executed camping trip. Something about wide open spaces and fresh air rather than being cooped up in a vehicle on twisty turvy roads perhaps…
With the start of school looming I am aware that I will be without my constant companions and my days may become especially lonely. Once we figure out how the lunch hour (or rather 2 hours) works and the impact it will have on my day, hopefully I can figure out a way to find a job as well. Finding a few grown up relationships of my own will be a good thing.